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ANOUSH. There’s been talk that your silly name stops people from actually taking you seriously.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Quoi?

ANOUSH. …Like, for instance, studies have shown that it’s impossible to have a regular mom-and-pop conversation about you without cracking a smile.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Je ne pense pas que_

ANOUSH. Like, LIKE LIKE, let’s say you walked up to someone, right? And said, “Hey would you like a Croque Monsieur?” Well, NORMAL things don’t usually follow that. You know?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Il est important d’_

ANOUSH. OR? OR? Let’s say your coworker says, “What’re you in the mood for today?” and you’re like “I brought in a Croque Monsieur.” Any pointers on how to avoid the weirdness that ensues after making a comment like that?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Non.

ANOUSH. I guess the question that’s on everybody’s mind is – Is that your *real* name?

CROQUE MONSIEUR.  Oui.

ANOUSH. Did you ever think of changing it to make yourself more accessible to American audiences?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Non.

ANOUSH. And to follow up: Will all your answers be in French even though you apparently understand everything I’m saying?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Oui.

ANOUSH. Very good, Sir.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Merci.

ANOUSH. Merci to you too.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Hee-hee.

ANOUSH. Haw-haw. And further: Your American fanbase consists mostly of scholars in the culinary arts and high school French students. Any hopes toward bridging the gap?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Non.

ANOUSH. And they’ve gone as far as calling you “A Ham and Cheese Sandwich.” Does that offend you?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Un peu.

ANOUSH. It shouldn’t. I mean, you are a sandwich.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. NON! NON! NON! Il ya une grande différence entre un “sandwich” et moi. L’une est la nourriture et l’autre est l’art.

ANOUSH. Alright, alright, slow down, there, papa. I’m just a messenger.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Incroyable…

ANOUSH. And lastly, what’s the difference between a Croque Monsieur and a Croque Madame *REALLY*.

CROQUE MONSIEUR. ll n’ya pas un différence. Je suis un homme et une femme en même temps.

ANOUSH. WHOAAA!

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Oui.

ANOUSH. Non!

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Oui.

ANOUSH. Madame?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Oui!

ANOUSH. Monsieur?

CROQUE MONSIEUR. Oui!

ANOUSH. Well, Mon friggin’ dieu…

———————————————————————

Learn more about what a croque monsieur is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croque-monsieur

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