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Monthly Archives: March 2011

ANOUSH. Wow, so… *THIS* is different.
MOUSTACHE. If by “different” you mean, “Fuh-reaking Awesommmme,” then yeah.
ANOUSH. Oh, you’re… yeah..
MOUSTACHE. An honest mistake.
ANOUSH. I probably just _
MOUSTACHE. It’s ok. Your brain’s so overcome with Upper-Lip Splendor that everything’s just moving at a muuuuch slower rate.
ANOUSH. Soooo, how long do you plan on staying with us?
MOUSTACHE. As loooong as it takes.
ANOUSH. You serious?
MOUSTACHE. I’m *VERY* serious.
ANOUSH. So, while you’re here – help me out – am I supposed to bow? Curtsy? Like, what’m I supposed to *do*!
MOUSTACHE. You can just……. acknowledge.
ANOUSH. With… words? Do you prefer words?
MOUSTACHE. Words are fine. Or you can do a quick nod. Pretty much your call. 
ANOUSH. Heh, I’m really glad we’re having this conversation ’cause I never really know what to do. They don’t teach you stuff like this in school, you know?
MOUSTACHE. Well, it’s something you learn by experience. Like, doing your taxes, or something.
ANOUSH. Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for the analogy, Moustache!
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MUSTARD. You know what? I’m glad you’re not scared of me anymore.

ANOUSH. Oh yeah me too. I don’t know what I was thinking.

MUSTARD. Ehhhh, don’t beat yourself up. You were a kid – you didn’t know.
ANOUSH. I realize now in heinz-sight that it doesn’t pay to be scared of things just ’cause they’re different.
MUSTARD. Yeah, doesn’t quite cut it.
ANOUSH. … and that maybe I don’t have to turn down every gulden opportunity that presents itself.
MUSTARD. Sure, but you don’t wanna spread yourself too thin.
ANOUSH. No definitely not.
MUSTARD. And you wanna remember to stay grounded.
ANOUSH. Oh, right.
MUSTARD. And it’s not always about spreading your seed. Know what I mean?
ANOUSH. ‘Coarse.
MUSTARD. So….. friends?
ANOUSH. Friends… You know? If it were up to me, I’d take you everywhere I went.
MUSTARD. If only that were possible… (but it’s not.) Don’t get me wrong, though. I DO relish the time we spend together.
ANOUSH. You really mean that?
MUSTARD. You kidding? You’re my main squeeze.
ANOUSH. Well, hot DOG!
MUSTARD. Hey.
ANOUSH. Yeah?
MUSTARD. Whaddaya say you and I go bust a cap?
ANOUSH. You kidding? Wild horseradishes couldn’t keep me away!
…………
ANOUSH. Hey.
MUSTARD. Yeah?
ANOUSH. Thanks…
MUSTARD. Oh anytime, Squirt!
BAGEL. Let’s be honest – I’m WAY too refined for this crowd.
ANOUSH. I know, I know, but whaddaya gonna do, right?
BAGEL. I have this plan to leave Everything behind and just split.
ANOUSH. Really?
BAGEL. Yep. You know, take some time to travel, become more well-rounded, expand my social circles.
ANOUSH. Where would you go?
BAGEL. Well, you know how I secretly wish I was French, right?
ANOUSH. Yes.
BAGEL. So, France. Definitely France.
ANOUSH. Wow.
BAGEL. Yup! And here’s some food for thought – did you know the name Pumpernickel is French?
ANOUSH. How’s that?
BAGEL. I said! Did you know the name Pumpernickel is French?
ANOUSH. No?
BAGEL. Hah, then have *I* got a story for you!
…….
BAGEL. Uh, you wanna hear the story?
ANOUSH. Sure.
BAGEL. Ok-ok you’re gonna LOVE this. So, Napoleon, right? He had this horse..
ANOUSH. I like where this is going.
BAGEL. …and the horse’s name is Nicol.
ANOUSH. Nicol, that’s a pretty French name.
BAGEL. Right?!? Anyway, so! Nicol becomes a fan of this dark, grainy bread which Napoleon refers to – repeatedly – as “pain pour Nicol.” Now, say those words really fast to yourself. Go!
ANOUSH. Ahhh, I get it.
BAGEL. So, there it is in Plain English. I’m French, almost.
ANOUSH. You’re not Pumpernickel though.
BAGEL. Ahhh, but I COULD’VE been! Napoleon could’ve named ME if I were around back then. And so much of what I become relies on the actions I take at this very moment and … oh sorry, I didn’t mean to get all eggsistential on you.
ANOUSH. Oh, no worries.
BAGEL. Ya know a lot of people think they can see right through me, but I’m actually quite complex. And if I work hard enough, I could be the toast of Paris.
ANOUSH. I have no doubt that you’ll appeal to the upper crust. Much luck on your continental drift!
BAGEL. Thanks!
ANOUSH. Anytime! … Hey, aside from the horse, what’re your views on Napoleon in general?
BAGEL. Ohhh I’m not sure, I’m divided.