ANOUSH talks to a CROSSWORD PUZZLE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CROSSWORD. I don’t know why they put me here. I don’t even *like* TV.

ANOUSH. Can you please just go with it?

CROSSWORD……..

ANOUSH…………

CROSSWORD. Excuse me?

ANOUSH. Sorry.

CROSSWORD. May I…….. have a word?

ANOUSH. Fine. What.

CROSSWORD. Do I look like a joke to you?

ANOUSH. No. Not… no.

CROSSWORD. Was that… wait. Are we… Omigod are we at the *CIRCUS* right now?!

ANOUSH. C’mon.

CROSSWORD. Ooh let’s get out the coloring pencils and make everything **prettttty!**

ANOUSH. You’ve gotten your point across. Thank you.

CROSSWORD. Youuuu. Meeee. Ending in “Y” foreverrrrrr!

ANOUSH. This is why children are afraid of you.

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CROSSWORD. Oreo?

ANOUSH. No thanks.

CROSSWORD. Look. I’m dealing with a lot of frustrated people right now. It’s the end of the week.

ANOUSH. Right.

CROSSWORD. Didn’t mean to scare you.

ANOUSH. You didn’t, I’m into cryptics.

CROSSWORD. Oh. Well then, uh, check in with me again when it’s not so crazy. You know, at your Leisure.

ANOUSH. Oh, sure.

CROSSWORD. I mean, we don’t have to exchange vowels or anything–

ANOUSH. No-no I gotcha, but–

CROSSWORD. Yeah.

ANOUSH. Yeah.

CROSSWORD. Boundaries.

ANOUSH. Right.

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ANOUSH. So… Have you actually *met* Alec Guinness?

CROSSWORD. Oh yeah. Few times, actually.

ANOUSH. Get the Fr. outta here!

ANOUSH talks to a SCONE

 

 

 

 

ANOUSH. To what do we owe this great honor.
SCONE……….
ANOUSH. I mean. What’s the occasion?
SCONE. *I* am. *I’M* the occasion.
ANOUSH. Yes. Thank you. We all know YOU’RE. IN. THE. ROOM.
SCONE. Yes, now……………………**DANCE** for me.
ANOUSH. Actually I’m gonna sit.
SCONE. No! Stand. On your feet!
ANOUSH. Fine. You too, then.
 
::::::::::::::Scone rises::::::::::::::
 
SCONE. Get ready ’cause I’m gonna ask you something *very* important.
ANOUSH. O….k.
SCONE. How’s it FEEL to have your standards SKYROCKET *EXPONENTIALLY.*
ANOUSH. Uh.
SCONE. I mean, y’ever, y’ever wonder what the rest of the world’s doing with itself? Now that none of it’s good enough for you anymore?
ANOUSH. Do I need to contact to your leavening agent?
SCONE. No-no. That won’t be necessary.
ANOUSH. What’re you ON, anyway?
SCONE. I’m not “on” anything… currantly.
ANOUSH. ‘Cause you can’t keep on showing up like this whenever you feel like it.
SCONE. SURE, I can. This is *America!*
ANOUSH. What’re you gonna do – keep on playing rolls all the time?
SCONE. You know what? You can take your insults and jam ’em–
ANOUSH. NOW, NOW! I find that *highly* unsavory!
SCONE. Wow! Even your LANGUAGE improved.
ANOUSH. Great Scot!
SCONE. Yep. Well, ‘guess I”ll be seein’ ya. And, Oh! *LOVE* the flour arrangement, by the way.